ANGELA: My junior year of college was probably, um… In the ‘90s. I was in a relationship with someone that I met, and we’d been dating for about a month. Really great guy. We were having lots… It felt like we were soul-mates, had a lot in common. And after a month of dating, like I said, there was a point where I started feeling really sick. Just didn’t feel good, couldn’t eat the same things. Certain smells made me really sick. And I didn’t know what was wrong with me.
So I went to the doctor. I was in college, like I sad, at the time. Didn’t say anything to my parents, but I was on their health insurance so I had access to go to the doctor when I needed to. I made an appointment and the doctor told me I probably had acid reflux or something and gave me a prescription for something. I got the prescription and took it for about a week or so and nothing changed. In fact, it got worse. So I went to another doctor. And this doctor actually gave me a stronger prescription for my acid reflux. And after taking that second prescription that was given to me by the doctor, I really thought about it. I said “Heeeeey, Angie, it seems like it’s been about three or four weeks and your period should be here. And it hasn’t come. So maybe this could be a pregnancy.”
And I was terrified at that point. I decided to let my partner know that I could possibly be pregnant – maybe it’s not acid reflux, but maybe there’s something else going on – and decided to take a pregnancy test.
I remember going to the drugstore and getting the test and going back home. I was visiting for the summer with my parents, so I went in the downstairs bathroom and locked the door so my nosy sisters didn’t come in. And I sat there before I took the test, and I was so scared. Just terrified. What would I do? I’m in college, I’m a junior, I still have a ways to go. I don’t have a job. I come home and live with my parents when I’m not on campus – and I don’t think on campus is a good place to raise a baby. I was struggling as it was to make sure I was going to school. My parents were scraping every little thing that they could get to make sure that I went to school. So, I knew that it just wasn’t the time for me to be a parent. I was in a relationship with someone that was wonderful… However, it was a month. I sat there and really thought about taking this test. And I decided let me just go ahead and find out and get it over with.
I followed the instructions to the T and it came out positive. And I said, “Well okay I did something wrong. Clearly this isn’t true.” So I took another one and another one – I took three tests – and they all said I was positive. I remember just kind of cowering down on the bathroom floor and feeling so lonely at that point in time. I was afraid. I felt like being a young women – like I said, a junior in college – this is not what I ever planned. It really didn’t take long for me to decide that the only thing I could possibly do was to terminate the pregnancy, to have an abortion.
So I had an abortion.
Once I found out I was pregnant, I talked to my partner at the time and he was very supportive. He said whatever way I decided he would be very supportive - and he agreed with me once I decided to have this abortion that, you know, we were young. And we weren’t ready. And so it was simple, very simple. All I had to do was call to find a clinic because I’d never done this before. So, find a clinic that I could go to and figure out what the process is, how much does it cost… That’s another thing being a college student, you just don’t have money in your pocket all the time so that was terrifying. But he was very supportive. So we made an appointment.
We went in on a Saturday. It was nestled in a suburb that was not too far from where I lived, like the town over. And I went to the clinic that morning, very early morning, and I remember it being a beautiful sunny day. And nothing outside, no protesters, nothing like that. It just was like going to a doctor. So I went in… A very gracious, very nice staff that made me feel… because I was terrified. And not so much terrified about the decision I made, but just thinking all along that my parents would be so disappointed that I’d even gotten pregnant in the first place.
I remember going in. They were really nice. I went through the whole process. They took me in and did kind of a mini physical, made sure everything was okay, talked to me about what I was doing, and asked me if I had any questions. Explained everything. I went through the procedure and woke up. I remember waking up in the recovery room, being a little bit groggy but feeling fine. I was basically left, after that day I probably stayed home the next from work, but I felt fine.
And I finally… I still was really upset. And my upset, again, wasn’t about my decision – it was about just really caring so much about what my parents thought of me, and I thought it was really important for me to have a conversation with my mom. So I actually talked to her about the decision I had made, and my mother was absolutely supportive. But the one thing that she did say that stuck with me – and it’s the reason why I don’t tell my story often – was “That’s fine. You made the right choice for yourself, but this isn’t something you talk about.”
She made it very clear that this is something kind of hush-hush that people do, and it’s okay if you do it, but you dare not speak a word of it. So, I went about my life just really not talking about it or thinking too much about it.
Now, I’m a mother with two beautiful children. And I’m thinking more about it – especially doing the work that I do talking to college students and young adults about sexuality and that kind of thing. This comes up a lot. With the questions I often get, I often wonder why we don’t talk more about this. It’s so important to share our stories. So important. Because I think of those moments when I was crouched down on my bathroom floor terrified, feeling so alone like no one else in the world was facing this.
It’s so important that we tell our stories. And this is why I decided to say that I had an abortion - and be there and be a source for someone else who may need to talk to someone.
If everyone were to share their story, the stigma would be lifted. There would be no reason to be ashamed because you would see how many people have made this decision, made this choice.